Empty Cribs and Autumn Air
by Theo Telshalla-Arieda Gardner
Summary: Annabeth stares at the nursery - meant for their happy baby girl to grow up in - now a remnant of a future robbed from them. The apartment is quiet - too quiet. Before Angel, Annabeth would have loved a quiet apartment to work and think easily in, but the haunting echoes of a baby's cries cripple her. Or:Annabeth and Percy deal with the grief of losing their child. postMarriage.


The apartment was dark, but homey. Percy always liked the fact that the windows didn't let too much sunlight in - it felt a little more like being underwater. Annabeth, on the other hand, hated this. There was only one room that got enough sunlight for her designs and drawings. So they made this her office.

But now, her desk and corkboard were pushed to the side, a baby's crib occupying the space. Gone was the model of Olympus against the wall, replaced instead with stacks disposable diapers, formulas, baby clothes, toys, and everything else from the baby shower earlier that week.

Annabeth now stood in silence in the nursery. Her eyes swept over the countless unopened boxes and bags, knowing fully that they would be left untouched. No first steps, no first words, no laughter, joy, happy memories with her little baby girl.

"Hey."

She turned to see Percy standing at the doorway. His eyes had dark circles under them and were red from crying. Normally, Annabeth would probably laugh at how pathetic her husband looked, but today was an exception.

"You, um," His voice cracked, "how are you?"

Too tired to answer, she just gave a small shrug.

"Do you want to...talk about it?" Percy's voice was quiet.

Annabeth shook her head, biting her lip to keep from crying. "I'm exhausted. I don't want to talk."

Percy sighed. "It's...not your fault-"

"Percy _."_

"No, no, I just...I've heard that some mothers think the stillbirth is their fault...and it's not, okay?"

" _Percy."_

He looked at her, his eyes now glassy.

"I don't want to talk about this now, okay? Please...just...let's sleep."

It took a moment, but he nodded, slowly walking back to their bedroom.

Annabeth made sure he was out of earshot before bending down and slowly picking up a small doll that Juniper had knit for them. In a swift move, she turned and threw it against the wall as hard as she could. It hit a lamp, which then fell to the floor in a tremendous crash.

"Annabeth! What happened?" Percy's worried voice sounded through the apartment.

"I tripped on a box. Get into bed, I'll come in a second!"

Annabeth took one last look at the perfect nursery - save the now broken lamp - and closed the door.

The next two weeks seemed to go by extra slow for both of them. Percy came home from work every day tired and irritated. Annabeth threw herself into her work, knowing the tension in their tiny little apartment was thickening, but choosing to ignore it. A few follow up doctor's appointments and a sad small funeral later, she was emotionally exhausted.

"Annabeth? I'm, um, going for a walk."

"Okay."

Percy cleared his throat, looking awkward. It struck Annabeth as almost odd - in all the years she had known him, the only time he had ever been so nervous around her was probably the time they had first met. Percy fiddled with his coat as he spoke. "Well, do you want to come?"

Annabeth was ready to say her standard answer for the past two weeks - "No, no thanks, I'm fine, etc.", but after one look at her husband's eyes, she melted. He looked so desperate, like he was grasping at strings just to get her outside. She didn't blame Percy. Annabeth couldn't imagine what she was putting him through - losing a baby, then living terrified that he was losing his wife too.

She swept her hair back into a messy bun and threw on a coat. Percy's face relaxed and he gave Annabeth a small smile. "Thanks," she said

"For what?"

Annabeth shrugged, tying her shoes. "Snapping me out of it. That baby crib was haunting me."

He gave a weak laugh as they started down the hallway.

Annabeth had never understood books that said "The air was crisp", but when the cool autumn air hit her after two weeks of being inside and wallowing in misery, she could relate. It _did_ feel crisp, a breeze with a chilly undertone that caused her to shiver and hunch her shoulders into the soft fabric of the coat.

"Why don't we hit Central Park?" Percy asked, nudging her shoulder. "We could get my favorite hot dogs and sit at your favorite spot."

Annabeth smiled and looked up at him. "That would be great."

Any tension that was remaining was swept away as he gently took her hand and they walked towards the park. It still wasn't over for her, though. Annabeth still felt the hollow pit in her stomach, the eerie feeling that something big was missing.

 _A baby. A little stroller and cute socks and formula filled bottles and-_

"What are you thinking about?"

Annabeth snapped out of the trance. "Our baby," she answered, half of her glad to admit her feelings, the other half knowing she ruined a perfect mood.

Percy's eyebrows creased again as he let go of her hand and put his arm over her shoulder. "Me too."

It was surprising how casually they were talking about this, and even more surprising that Percy understood. They continued on in silence for a while, maybe honoring the little girl they never met.

"That last minute name was crap. I felt some nights to go back and try to scrape the grave out and give us some time."

They had named her Angel. Maybe it was just because she already was one.

"Look...Percy, I appreciate it. And I know you're coping too, but I really don't want to talk about it right now. I...I don't think I can handle that."

His arm slacked on her shoulder and he gave a little nod. Annabeth pursed her lips, pulling away from him.

"I'll, uh, go get the hot dogs." He brushed past her.

They were at her favorite spot now. It was a small hill next to the lake, with a majestic view of the Empire State Building, but at this moment she hated it. Standing next to the clear waters with Mount Olympus in front of her made her angry. Her life had been spent serving them and their stupid quests. Countless battles, countless sacrifices, and the one time she thought her life could finally be normal, - _happy,_ even - it was ripped away from her.

Annabeth cursed the gods and cursed the goddess of childbirth. She cursed Hera, which was probably not in her best interest because Central Park was apparently a minefield for cow dung. She cursed every person she could think of - Luke, her mother, Gaea - until she ran out of curses and Percy came back with the hot dogs.

Their picnic was quiet and small, and even next to the person she loved most, Annabeth had never felt so lonely. She couldn't help but feel a distance between them, a wall, and she hated it. Annabeth wanted things to go back to the way they were before the baby.

After the picnic, they went walking again. The park was probably as noisy and busy as ever, but it all faded into a dull hum. Joggers and cyclists passed them, happy dogs playing in the grass and enjoying the sun, and...a couple with a small little stroller with tiny little feet in tiny little socks...

"Annabeth?" Percy's worried voice interrupted. "Hey, are you alright?"

She hadn't noticed when the tears had started, but now that she was crying, Annabeth couldn't stop. She let Percy take her into his arms and hug her tight.

"Hey." His voice was soft, and Annabeth felt his breath tickle against the back of her neck. "Annabeth."

She grasped to her husband tighter at the sound of her name and let out a sob that she hadn't realized she had been keeping in for so long. "Percy...gods, I'm so _lonely."_

Percy traced circles around her back with his knuckles - a sort of impromptu massage - and stroked her hair with his other hand. "I know...I know exactly how you feel."

Annabeth stiffened in his embrace as she mulled this over - she hadn't even considered that Percy might be feeling alone in his grief as well, but it made perfect sense. They had gotten considerably more distant after Angel died _,_ and Annabeth couldn't even remember the last time they had sit down and had a proper dinner together, and most of her nights were spent in the studio. Her shoulders shook violently as she let out a shudder.

"I love you." Annabeth whispered, her arms clinging tightly to her husband's shoulders. The words almost taste foreign on her tongue; the last time she remembers saying it so clearly and so unwarranted and so confidently was before the labor.

Percy seems to take a second to register what she had said as well, but when he does, he pulls away slowly, giving Annabeth a moment to readjust herself and gently untangle her arms from around him. She found herself staring into his eyes - the eyes Angel had inherited, a deep sea green that now reflected determination. Percy's eyes were set into a hard gaze as he took Annabeth's hands in his own. They were both silent for a moment, and she rubbed her thumb against the back of his hand, feeling the smooth touch and relishing the comforting feeling of her husband's warm hands.

"Annabeth...we aren't grieving about this the right way."

Annabeth looked up at him again at the remark, trying to keep her face from giving away her confusion. "Is there a right way?"

Percy bit his lip for a second, looking at her, rubbing his hands along her shoulders. "Together. We should lean on each other for support and comfort, not drift away from each other."

A slideshow of the past months they had spent alone and miserable in their tiny Manhattan apartment reeled through Annabeth's mind, and she nodded. "Yeah...yeah, you're right."  
Percy snorted, despite the somber mood. "You know, I think that's the first time you've said that to me."

Annabeth frowned. "No. I'm sure there was at least one other time. During Capture the Flag when your idea ended with us blowing up half of the woods and losing our flag."

Percy raised a hand to his heart, his face twisting in mock hurt. "Wow...bringing up stuff from eight years ago...low bow Mrs. Jackson, I'm hurt."

Annabeth grinned and held back a chuckle at that - Mrs. Jackson - it was something she had never gotten used to, but something she didn't mind at all - even with Piper's constant rants about the female identity being stripped by the loss of a last name. Piper and Jason Mclean lived a happy life, however, so apparently it wasn't a dealbreaker.

They talked for a long while, alone but together in a massive park in an even more massive city. The air got colder around Annabeth as the late afternoon turned into and early autumn evening. She pulled her coat tighter around herself and tucked herself into Percy's arms while they walked back the direction of their apartment.

"This was the longest conversation we've had since..." Annabeth stopped herself.

"I know." Percy answered, not missing a beat.

Annabeth sighed, and they continued to walk in silence for a while, then Percy spoke again. "Do you think...we'll get through this? I was looking at stuff online and, like, some of these couples never ended up the same. Some even...got a divorce."

Annabeth stopped and turned to look at her husband. Percy's eyes in the dim orange lights of the path looked like they were glowing, shimmering with tears ready to fall.

"Percy. Look at me." She placed her hands in his and said with a confidence she wasn't quite sure she felt, "I promise you, for better or for worse, to stay with you and get through our grief together. If we can get through Kronos's war and the war against Gaea and - gods, Percy, we've _literally_ been to hell and back together - then we can definitely get through this together."

Percy gave her a small smile and nodded. "Yeah. Yeah, we can."  
When they got back to the apartment, Annabeth couldn't find it in her heart to put away the crib in the nursery. She found herself staring at the walls. The happy storks and the cute pictures of Greek myths that Hazel and Piper had come over to help paint when Annabeth was too pregnant to stand up stared back at her. Strangely enough, she didn't feel that tugging sensation in her chest, the one that made her feel like her heart was twisting. For the first time in months, when she looked at the room, Annabeth smiled.  
When Percy came, dressed in pajamas and tired looking, he took one look at her and one look at the room. "Hey, honey." He wrapped his arms around her waist and let his head rest on her shoulder. "Are you alright?"

Annabeth smiled and took his hand, giving it a gentle squeeze. "Yes. I'm fine. We're going to be fine."


End file.
